i have been okay so far. i kind of believed that myself. in my existence there weren't many events to really brag about. just that i've somehow survived the bad parts. and i have been coping well. albeit with a wall. but it's not like anyone's complaining. since the time i have accepted the will to move on, i've been pretty much waiting for the next best thing. but life sure knows how to shove it up your ass sometimes.
it was the summer i loved and learned. i have accepted its fate as the cherished memory. something i'll probably always look back to. and i have quietly struggled through my life since, hoping to move on. and i believe i have been doing fine. i had tried to let go of the thing i couldn't hold on to. despite the valiant effort i made to search, he just wasn't there. and i ended up believing that maybe he just didn't want to be there anymore.
until now. when his ghost is visiting me. just around christmas.
i haven't confirmed it yet. but i'm not missing my chances again. it may or may not be my summer santa. but i'm not going to just sit around and wonder if it is.
half of me wants it to be him so much. the other half doesn't know where to stand. i guess i'll find out soon enough.
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