summons from the rat race

maybe if i didn't like what i was doing i'd have little hesitation getting back to doing something i don't like as much. but i do like what i'm doing. and the only thing i dislike about it is the fact that it doesn't pay the bills as much. and the insipid manager who doesn't really have much between his ears. other than those two things, working as a trainer has been fantastic. although you do have to consider the fact that there's little room for career growth. i don't think there even is room for growth. but otherwise, teaching others has been very satisfying. i enjoyed sharing something to my students and learning something from them as well. it gives a kind of satisfaction that no amount of money seems to give you.

but at the end of the day, you come home and think you ought to be getting more than canned tuna for dinner. canned tuna is good, don't get me wrong. i like it best with eggs. but i have an adventurous taste bud, and it craves for a variety of tastes. so i'm answering the summons from the rat race. if only to make my taste buds happy.

the thing is though, i 'm getting a little nervous. i don't really know what i'm in for. but i sure hope i don't come home disappointed tomorrow. but i guess it's best to prepare yourself for the worst. breathe in, breathe out.

facing the ghost of summer past

i have been okay so far. i kind of believed that myself. in my existence there weren't many events to really brag about. just that i've somehow survived the bad parts. and i have been coping well. albeit with a wall. but it's not like anyone's complaining. since the time i have accepted the will to move on, i've been pretty much waiting for the next best thing. but life sure knows how to shove it up your ass sometimes.

it was the summer i loved and learned. i have accepted its fate as the cherished memory. something i'll probably always look back to. and i have quietly struggled through my life since, hoping to move on. and i believe i have been doing fine. i had tried to let go of the thing i couldn't hold on to. despite the valiant effort i made to search, he just wasn't there. and i ended up believing that maybe he just didn't want to be there anymore.

until now. when his ghost is visiting me. just around christmas.

i haven't confirmed it yet. but i'm not missing my chances again. it may or may not be my summer santa. but i'm not going to just sit around and wonder if it is.

half of me wants it to be him so much. the other half doesn't know where to stand. i guess i'll find out soon enough.