so, what do i write about when there's absolutely nothing in my head and i have a bout of insomnia? i can't sleep, and i have this feeling of wanting to write something but nothing is brimming up. i'm a little lost at where i am. the last few years, i have been curiously avoiding what i want to do in favor of doing what needs to be done. when i decided that dang it all, i want to do things that makes me happy, the fates again decides against it.
my dad's sick now. he's in the hospital and i'm a little over a few miles away. trying to get a job that would pay the bills. i'm not sure if i'm going to be disappointed again but i sure hope to hell not. i'm getting tired of trying to figure out what or where i'm supposed to be. when trying to make a decision, i've told myself repeatedly that it's easy. take your options, weigh them carefully, make a choice and stick to it. it's not working for this one. so is it time to change my script? why do i always feel like something's missong? now, more than ever? what is it that i'm missing? i know man is bound to be uncontented until death takes us all. but why this restlessness? i can't decide and i can't figure out if i'm doing the right thing or just doing the thing i'm supposed to be doing. it was much easier when i was deliriously depressed. at least i couldn't care less of anyone else.
which means it makes much more sense being selfish.
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