a call to my muse

i was going through my boxed stuff earlier today when i found my collection of wallet-sized photos.  there was a load of them.  there was a variety of faces involved.  some i still see, some i don't anymore, and some i now dislike.  a lot of them made me smile.  like the 4th year prom photos.  or the studio-taken ones that has a lot of story going on in them.  there were some faces i really miss.  like drew's.  photograph's really carry stories in them.  and ever since, i have liked holding the camera more than being the one seeing the flash.  i even have memories of having two rolls of film during my high school retreat and having about only two shots of me in it.  it was only at the advent of camera phones that i started taking pictures of myself more often.  what we fondly call "boker."  but lately, i haven't been toying with the lenses.  like with my writings and my music, i felt like i have deteriorated in my passion for artistic expression.  i'm trying to rectify this.  and i'm trying to figure out why it's harder for me to create something this time around.  when i'm older and have gained a better perspective.  when i've made mistakes and learned some lessons.  the only conclusion i could come up with is that the difference between me then and me now is that i'm happier now.  i wrote a lot when i was depressed.   that's easy to understand.  since we express ourselves better when we're dealing with pain.  it's a lot harder to describe a good feeling than a bad one.  but it frustrates me to feel that i have to be sad to produce something good with my works.  that is the seed of doubt in my so-called artistic abilities.  that i can only write or take good photos or play music when i'm not happy. 

so, this is a call to my muse.  i'm not sad right now.  but i need you.  please come up and identify yourself.